On Maundy Thursday we remember Jesus washing his disciples feet, and we recall that on that evening he called his disciples from thenceforth to wash each other’s feet : that each of us is called to service – to serve each other.
I acknowledge that am suspicious of service because it can be an avoidance. I can choose to lose myself in service to others because I want to avoid confronting issues in my own life. I can fill my day with service because I don’t want to have time for myself. Serving others whilst carrying unresolved baggage can sometimes lead to burdening of others. In this manifestation it is a form of selfishness.
In Finding Happiness, Christopher Jamison introduced me to the thinking of John Cassian. One of the topics he covers is acedia – carelessness, loss of understanding of the need for self-awareness. One of the manifestations is the impulse to replace spiritual exercises with more and more good deeds. The good works become the painkiller that fix the symptoms but leave the sickness untreated. The monk may wish to seek to minister to needy people in order to (temporarily) escape the perceived oppressive spiritual life in the monastery. The remedies are spiritual reading, living in the present moment through prayer, hospitality.
In a previous post I considered the question of travel, of satisfying my restlessness by travelling, by moving away, by finding somewhere else to live. And I said that I didn’t think travel would provide any satisfaction as the journey “would lead nowhere”. But I concluded that I did have a journey in front of me : a journey of confronting unresolved questions in my life, and that this journey was best tackled by sitting on my sofa. In order to provide that space I aim to spend most evenings sitting on the sofa from 20:30 for half an hour; resisting the urge to get up and do any of the many things that come into my mind. Practice being silent and still. Nothing has happened yet. I think this is very much only a beginning.
So, does service interfere with this programme ? I have presented these points to PA, and he has advised me to purse service : that it is also good to “forget yourself”. This is the pursuit of service as growth. Indeed, there is a danger of introspection crowding out everything else. As an initial response, let me use my Sundays in service. As a further response, let me see how I can devote myself to hospitality. I used to enjoy welcoming people to my home, but I’m uncomfortable with that since I live on my own. Maybe at some point in the future I can be part of something where I can help provide hospitality – not on my own, but as part of a bigger group or community ?
Tags: service
View from the trees 
12.04.2009 at 21:51 |
Another good link on acedia
http://www.hermitary.com/solitude/acedia.html
13.04.2009 at 09:21 |
There is another dimension to develop here : Service as mutual avoidance – service as mutual healing.
12.08.2009 at 21:58 |
A youth group lesson several months (years?) ago contended that ‘helping others was the key to happiness’. It is such a tidy notion, but how does it work when everything’s a mess? I thought at the time that I wasn’t faithful enough to really get it. ‘Spose I feel the same way now. But the ‘avoidance’ question is a good one. Perhaps the posture of one’s service needs examination. Are the hands and the heart unified in their service? Or are the hands working instead to push down inner turmoil?
I think I agree with PA… just do it (not speaking to you, directly). Just serve — the other will be helped (a positive!) and who knows what will happen to the helper. There we wait in faith and hope. But, as you stated, the absolute key is that times of service also come with times of silence. Prayer is what unifies the hand and heart. The suffering servant himself took time ‘practising being silent and still’.
And sofas are good.